The lost art of talking face to face.
83The modern world
A technologically saturated society'
I have a favorite little coffee shop that I go to on Sundays to read the Sunday papers. I mean the actual paper not something on my laptop. It is a little place, not the big Starbucks one. I like to support the little guy as opposed to the mega corporation. And behind the counter of course we have a bunch of young adults painted in tattoos and working their way through their college years as I live across the street from a very large university. I really like these kids they are engaging and quite humorous. I make it a point to converse whenever I see them. Then I sit down and drink my coffee or fruitjuice and look around at the other patrons of the establishment and this is where I get somewhat diconcerted.
While quite a few are kids studying their chosen majors I also observe many playing with their Iphones or hiding behind a laptop or any one of a number of electronic distractions that have become part of the fabric of existence in our modern world. Which is getting closer to the point of this particular hub. It seems to me that we have a new kind of plague in the modern world and I find it to be a serious problem, and that would be that we are losing the ability to talk to one another and connect as human beings. We are so electronically oversaturated with our phones and laptops that we cannot connect with one another. And in this process the art of face to face conversation is being lost.
Too much Technology !
I have been one of these people that has been slow to warm up to modern technology. I only got my first cellphone in 2004. And you know what ? I still own the same phone that I originally purchased. And it still works. It makes calls and it recieves calls. I am one of these freaks that uses a phone to have conversations with family and friends. I feel no need to have a phone that gives me the weather report or update my tournament brackets or watch youtube or listen to Pearl Jam. I live in a world where I discern between wants and needs and needs usually win out. I only bought my first computer in 2006 a Dell Desktop. Now I own a laptop. I never take it with me anywhere. I make it a point to get away from this thing because I feel a need for human connection. And from all appearances I seem to be in the minority on that point. Don't you notice that no matter where you go in public you cannot get away from someone yapping on their cellphone anymore ? I go to a restaurant and instead of being fully present with the group of people or person they came in with someone is yapping away. In the business I am in many times in order to complete a transaction I have to wait for someone to finish their conversation first. And if there are other people in need of my help they are completely oblivious to it. And then I see people who don't talk at all. Like at my little coffee shop where I cannot help but wonder if the person is hiding behind that computer screen they are so engrossed in. I just don't get it how people can carry around their electronic media as though it were an appendage. I mean I like modern technology too. But at some point I have to turn all of it off. Because I find talking with people face to face and making a connection is far more rewarding. I enjoy the couple of hundred of friends I have made on facebook, but they are no substitute for looking someone in the eye and making a connection with another human being. And sometimes much to my detriment I am a chatterbox. And as I am sure many of you are aware I certainly have strong opinions on certain issues.
I read a column in the UK Daily Mail about the new generation of kids coming up . And they have coined a phrase for this new generation , they are called " Generation Net ". And it seems this generation of kids who are coming up much prefer their virtual lives as opposed to their real lives. To me this is mortifying ! We are raising a generation of children who will not be able to interact with each other which is an absolute must in this world. What skill is more important to a society then that ?
My hubchallenge . Talk to someone new everyday !
It is no secret that I am probably not the youngest guy writing here at Hubpages. And as we keep making all these leaps forward from a technological standpoint people like me seem to be getting left in the dust. And I do not feel the least bit bad about that. I like my old fashioned values and old fashioned world. And do not get me wrong I do like some of the aspects of modern technology. In particular here at hubpages which to me has been great fun.. However unlike what I see going on around me I have a disconnect button. I have the ability to walk away from the computer or my phone and I am not having withdrawal symptoms. I talk on the phone with family at least once a week and I talk to all of them individually just to lt them know I love them. That is when we are not busy visiting one another. They are a bunch of chatterboxes too. I refuse to send E Cards I would rather wish friends and family a Happy Birthday in person. There is nothing more fun then engaging in a conversation with a stranger in my local coffee shop. Some look horrified when I speak to them. Most seem more then happy to sit down and talk about themselves. And if there is a sure cure for shyness it is to get interested in somebody else. So for those of you who are chained to your electronic media I say pull the plug for part of your day. I promise it will not kill you ! I like talking to strangers. I like making new friends. I like my brief phone conversations with family and friends. I like my family. I like working through tense moments in my day to day relationships with people because that is part of the dynamics of relating to another human being as well. And I think that is one of the reasons many people would rather hide behind their laptop screen , because it is much easier to do. And I hate to admit this but I like getting and recieving the occasional hug. It is so much better then getting 100 new facebook friends or a high ranking here at Hubpages. Try it you might like it ! It is quite apparent that we live in a world that seems to be unraveling at the seams at an ever faster pace. And quite frankly as I sit back and observe it I get quite sad about the current state of man. I wish I could move in all the victims of the earthquake in Japan into my home and take care of them. But instead I have to find solace in people and I find that many like myself long for a true connection with another human being. Because we know we are never going to find that comfort in our smartphones and laptops. So if you find yopurself far to plugged in , unplug for part of your day. The Sun will still come up in the morning , I promise !
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William I kile all of these neat lttle gizmos. But like you I definitely long for a simpler time. And you used a very important point. It seems we are getting more isolated. Thanks for kicking the hub off William
Great subject Tony, but away from hubpages I prefer to keep to myself. I think some people can really talk too much. I'm not shy but talking to people at random that I know nothing about and knowing that they don't know me from Adam, makes me a little uncomfortable.
zzron I can certainly understand that trepidation. I myself have always had a pretty sharp sense of humor so it has always been a good ice breaker for me. I think most of us who like to ply at the writing craft tend to be solitary figures.And I agree with you on one point, I know alot of people who talk way too much ! :)
I think your hub makes a good point as people don't communicate the way they did years ago. I remember when I was a child, you would often see neighbors sitting together on their front porch talking. I have noticed when my husband and I go out to eat we have great conversations, yet when we are home half of the time we are in different rooms and really not talking much. Great hub. Voted/rated awesome.
Right on the money Tony, I too find myself wanting a hug from my wife, my daughter or even my grown son just to get a connection. But the technology does have its advantages. Because of it I can talk to you too. Aah, what the hell. Give me a hug Tony. LOL. Thanks.
Chuck
Tony,
I agree with you completely. Most people, not me, have opted out of one on one face to face contact. Instead they get in touch" with friends by tweeting something meaningless and walk away from the experience feeling just fine. Voted up and awesome.
Pamela I gotta tell you there are aspects of technology I do like, but I think instead of it being a little part of our lives it has become a major part. I have kind of made it a point to reduce my computer time because I do not want it to take over mine.I remember when neighbors used to talk to each other.
poorconservative I like your moniker because I am in the same boat. I like aspects of modern technology too. And you are right in the fact that we get to meet people online that we normally would never know. It just seems impossible to get away from it sometimes. Thanks for dropping in.
Good morning BPop ! I refuse to tweet or text. And I read an article where now some people actually feel like it is an imposition to have to talk on the fun and would rather recieve a text. We are becoming more isolated and disconnected from one another. And I find that troubling and kinda sad.
Tony: If you ever want to see a person's face light up with happiness try this. When i go to my local coffee shop each employee is wearing a name tag as a part of their wardrobe or uniform. When i approach the counter for service, I speak to the person addressing them by their name. Our name is the sweetest word ever spoken to us so when they hear their name mentioned, while serving you or me, they feel known, not just a face at the counter. That little bit of joy will stay with them and they will serve you as a special customer the next time they see you.
Dave really good point there. And it is a great ice breaker ! Thank you for chiming in.
I see a difference with the situation we are in... it's wonderful to hear that others are not tweeting to friends/ I really love to drop in and have a cup of coffee with a friend and actually visit & catch up (of course not as often as we would like). It is so special to call a waitress or person behind the counter by their name (say thank you!)-- I couldn't agree with that more. And in today's world, it is understandable that we use our judgment in who we casually greet on the street... but, in any event, what a great HUB~~ VOTED UP and AWESOME!
you are right on the money TonyO; sometimes you see kids seated across from one another texting back and forth instead of talking; guess their thumbs work faster than their mouths.
Either way good hub!
I do both, chat on FB and talk face to face with friends and neighbors. Just chatting is fun but the human contact os much more fun and it makes me a happy person.
Sometimes I find the chat is boring whereas face to face gives me the opportunity to hear what others have to say while studying their body language and eyes. Can't do that on a Chat site.
You are right on the same wavelength that I am. I am soooo old fashioned. My cell phone is old school too! None of that I-Phone SH#$! lol...But I totally agree with you. I saw a commercial the other day for CHASE bank and it was about how you can deposit a check in their ATM faster than ever, and it literally said "a step forward" but I thought really? Its more like a step backward in personal customer service. It seems everyone nowadays, people, businesses, banks want to make everything more hi-tech and with that they lose the personal touch that makes us HUMANS! We aren't robots and yet more and more they are treating us so. It is so true that the kids nowadays are not being brought up with the proper social skills needed to function in real life because they would rather do it over the computer. And the schools aren't helping either. You know alot of schools now expect the kids to have an IPAD at school to do their work? What about parents that (a) can't afford it? and (b) dont' want their kids having one? Its a joke. I am glad to be old fashioned. I never bought an IPOD or IPHONE for myself, still type on my desktop that I have had for about 5 years. And like you, I still enjoy that personal interaction with other human beings. Its so sad that others are so disconnected with the natural human need for associating with one another in person. I agree with you 2000% Technology is too much. Yes it may be great that we as humans can figure out technology and make it so that we have all these luxuries and capabilities...... but at what cost?
2 Thumbs up all the way around, from supporting the 'little guy' to the hubchallenge!
You are so very right, Tony! I have discovered that I am falling into this trap. It may just be an extension of my fear of confrontation, but I HATE it when I have to actually call a realtor or a builder for work. I much prefer to just email or text. However, I am finding out I usually get much better information if I actually have a conversation, as uncomfortable as it is for me. And now that I am writing for the magazine, I have to conduct interviews. (Insert gasp here). I always get really nervous about it and put it off until the last possible moment. And then when it's over, I think, "Wow. That person was so cool. Why don't I do this more often?" Thanks for reminding me I need to use my disconnect button more often!
Technology rules, tony, and soon we won't have to worry whether we are spending too much time on our computer, cell phone, I-pad, or whatzit instead of communicating face to face.
I say that because I am certain that somewhere some scientist is feverishly working on the latest version of a tiny microchip that will be inserted in babies' brains at birth eliminating the need for further technical assistance. It will be the computerized equivalent of mind-reading. I'm using it already. I can see and hear you saying in disbelief, "What? Hogwash!"
There is nothing like face to face conversation, actually seeing the other persons expressions and reactions. Hmmmm very interesting article you've written. Rated up! :) Katie
I had to sign back in just to say I agree with your sentiment Tony. It's becoming a world where we are only willing to have one way conversations. That eliminates the need to be spontaneous. Voted up!
if I ever find myself in San Diego, I'm buying you a cup of coffee and talking your ear off at the coffee shop :)
Good day to you Marco.I realize it is not always possible to connect with the people you would like too. But I sense that as a society we are becoming more isolated individually and a little more desensitized. I do not see this as a good thing. Also there is a rise in insomnia in the USA that is directly proportional to people who are wired into their devices all day. So there could be health benefits to not being plugged in all the time too. Thanks for dropping by.
patriot my friend I too have seen the behavior of the kids to whom you refer too. And if that is the future then that is indeed grim.Thank you for the thumbs up !
Judy I agree that the dynamics that go on in human conversation are just far more fun.And the eyes never lie. Thanks for dropping by !
JJ my dear friend there is so much that you said that I completely agree with. Think about this what makes you go back to a certain restaurant or store ? The people ! Not the technology ! That was just an excellent point that you brought up. And maybe the school districts can pay for the IPADS. OH THAT'S RIGHT ! California is broke !!! :) Thanks for droppin in JJ always good to hear from you.
Jeremy thank you for the props Brother !!!
Bucky I read your first article and I thought you did great !!! And like you had mentioned I think that is one of the fears of all people is the fear of interaction that makes people hide behind a text or IM. But I think all of us as human beings get nervous about meeting people because all of us want to be liked !That is a natural nervousness in my mind.And Bucky I have to remind myself to disconnect once in a while too !
drbj I am scared to admit that what you say may be entirely possible ! Technology is a good thing that was supposed to be a segment that enhanced our lives , sadly it seems to be becoming our lives.
Katie I humbly thank my favorite redhead for the hearty endorsement !Human interaction is far more interesting then a chatroom. Or especially the Hubpages forums ! Thx for dropping in Katie , always a pleasure to have you.
Peg I agree with your sentiment. It has become a world where we seem to be becoming more disconnected then connected.
To Start Again you are on ! And I will do you one better and buy your bagel with cream cheese or favorite pastry.
Hey tony-You sure are getting a reaction out of this hub. I think any of us that are 30's and up,see the problems with all the technology. I was brought up in a time when you dealt with people in person or on a phone. My niece and nephew do so much of their socializing on their facbook accounts or ipods or texting, that I can't see how this is going to develop socially adjusted kids and some day, adults. I too like some pieces of the new technology but there are many downs to it for our kids. Great hub
hI MT ! I am well past my 30s but like you I remeber a time when the phone was used just to make plans on where I would meet up with friends. And your concerns are well founded as interacting with other people is the most important skill that any one of us can have. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Being a contractor I quite often come face-to-face with new people every day. The beauty of face-to-face contact is body language which sometimes speaks louder than words. It often concerns me when I don't receive eye-to-eye contact.
Using technology, there is absolutely none. And the eyes are the windows to the soul and the person who lies within. Good job of hitting the nail on the head.
The Frog
Hi tony, Great article. I was reading and found that i was nodding in agreement to large parts here. I have some of this technology and usually i am a few years behind yourself. Like yourself, i have a basic mobile phone which i use just occasionally for phonecalls only. Even now i am amazed by the amount of times when i am walking down a street and someone almost walks into me because they are so engrossed with texting or phoning or playing their ipod. Sometimes i think it is like a nation, or a world, of zombies going about their lives behind all their gadgets.
Great stuff. Michael.
Frog Prince I think it is a great thing that you get to meet people face to face too. I think especially in business the quality of the people is every bit as important as the quality of the service.And nowadays all business in particular larger businesses as gotten far to impersonal. Thanks for chiming in.
Michael thank you for dropping in and sharing your thoughts on this matter.And I absolutely know what you mean , I get bumped into all the time by people who are preoccupied with playing with their phones or yapping away and distracted. And I also notice sometimes when I go out that people are talking on the phone even when they are with other people. I find this kind of sad because then they are not fully present with the people they are with. Michael good comment !
Nice hub , thanks.
ImChemist thank you and feel free to expound upon that sentiment !
Tony my friend,I agree with you here. My sentiments exactly! People nowadays seem to be friends with their phones more than with actual people.
Great article!
Rated up and useful!
Jill my friend, I have no problem saying that I hope God blesses me with meeting you face to face at some point in my life. And I agree it does seem people have better relationships with their IPhones then with people.
Tony, Why talk anymore, who listens? Isn't the future going to be great? I'm so glad I'm getting old. H
Harvey I believe you may have a point there. Harvey sometimes the future does indeed look grim.
Tony, What the hell looks good, plese help me? H
Harvey if I can think of anything I will let you know.
Tony, Thanks!
You describe our world so well and so true. I, like the rest of your fans, totally agree. Reading all the comments you received, it is refreshing that this conversation has had a small beginning and that possibly, the idea of personal connection will be made desirable to many, many more. Keep up the good work Tony.
Margo thank you for dropping by and sharing your thoughts on ythe matter. It seems at the end of the day that we prefer real friends to our 300 facebook buddies !
Great hub. I think about this issue alot. My husband and I will be sitting together both chatting on facebook with someone else, or going for a walk and both of us looking at our Iphones. Kind of freaky when you think about it.
Anthea does it not seem kind of sad ? We are so overly distracted with our electronic gizmos we forget what is important. One person connecting with another.
Yes it does.
You are right on the money. the human race is de-evolving thanks to social media. Our circles are getting too big and the only way to stay in touch is by writing these status updates to seevral people at once. 1-1 communication is dieing fast, along with privacy.
mortgage news it is indeed kind of sad that we have devolved into a world that has gotten so impersonal. I thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Excellent article. I agree with you. People can't seem to live without these gadgets anymore. Sometimes I wonder how much radiation we get from using our laptops and touchscreen phones..Real contact is still the best and most exciting :) Rated up!
You and your followers bring up many good points. Whenever I see 2 people together and they are each talking on a cell phone or texting, I always pretend they are talking/texting to each other. While I like the ability to leave an e-mail in the middle of the night knowing I will not disturb someone . . . you can never be quite sure about the tone of electronic messages. Somone might misinterpret your motive or message. Thanks!
twentyfive I thank you for dropping in.And you are so right we are far too intimately involved with gadgets. The radiation amount we recieve is very small, but I can't believe even a little radiation is good for you. A very Happy Easter to you my friend.
Sally I see two people together talking on their phones all the time.This is the point we have come too. Sad isn't it ?
Sorry Tony can't reply, I'm talking to someone LOL
I agree with your Hub wholeheartedly and have scaled down my Facebook use dramatically the past week or two.
& I also decry the f@ct that langwage is B chnged by txt talk 2. Not so gr8 :-)
Thanks for the Hub
Shinkicker I myself never take a computer with me anywhere. I take off to get away from it sometimes. And I don't have an IPhone because I don't need all those extra apps either. And I loved your text there ! Rock on my friend.
Tony, OMG! C each otha. WTF may enjoy/ o not. Y go out, can skype u. H
Harvey I may need a translator for this one. You are too funny !
Tony, MMMMM...ME!H
Texting, instant messaging and email are probably the closest I have gotten to face to face. LOL
oh yeah there is video emails now!
celebritie that seems kind of sad. We are becoming more isolated from each other as we have intimate relationships with our electronic gizmos.
Great hub! I think with all the technologies we have these days, we lose the healthy ways of talking to each other. It's faster to text than to face the other person and speak. But we forget that we lose intimacy when we do that. Great job!
My dear Houa I think we have gotten to a time where if people arein disagreement then they can just edit their settings to remove the individual with whom they disagree.And that gets me a little worried because as I look at the future I see alot of lonely people. And the thing is relationships and connecting with other people in our lives no matter the level is not a luxury , it is a necessity. Houa be well my beautiful young friend.
Tony, great views, I also agree with the sadness of children loving their virtual lives more than their real lives. Luckily my kids grew up without television and had sports,chores, responsibilities, (and fun!).I feel sorry for children that have nothing else in their lives.
I love your challenge for everyone. I do it daily. Do you notice when you make eye contact with people how few actually do this? It reminds me of 10% real people and 90% aliens or zombies! Next time you are in a public place, notice how few! When you see someone else engaging in life, it is kind of neat!
Good morning JAIL TALK you have a most interesting moniker there. Yes indeed people do seem so much more disconnected now. And I salute you for not allowing your children to fall into that trap.And yes I had not noticed how little people make eye contact anymore. I am going to pay close attention next time I am out and about. Thanks for droping by.
I hate my cell phone. I don't have fancy features and couldn't tell you what app I would possibly need to have to function to get myself to the grocery store or to the nearest bar having karaoke this Sat. I do like the computer, it suits me. I am hidden to anyone I don't want to see me and easily accessible to those one or two that I actually care to talk to. LOL!! And when I go out to Walmart or to eat lunch, I talk to at least one person. I love to learn about people the old fashioned way. Great HUB!
Sue I just got a new phone because my old one was getting worn out. And I still cannnot believe how all these features seem so important to people. Now I do a little more texting but I still prefer to talk. And there is alot to be said for good old fashioned communication ! Thanks for dropping by Sue.
thank you so much for saying what needs to be said. i used to believe that technology was for saving us time. however,what have we done with all of the time we have saved? nice hub and i hope that everyone that reads it takes away something from your hub.
smcopywrite thank you for dropping in and sharing your thoughts about the topic. It seems as technology improves my life gets more complicated. And it also seems society at large grows more impersonal and isolated. I see no good outcome to that.
William F. Torpey Level 2 Commenter 14 months ago
There's no question, tony0724, that times have changed drastically. Cellphones, laptops and ipods have isolated us even more than radio and television did a few decades ago. I still think fondly of the days when most of our conversation was around the dining room table or picnic table with family and friends in our neighborhood. Letter writing and face-to-face conversation has taken a back seat to all those gadgets in the your friendly neighborhood computer store (where you are watched like a thief and your packages are checked as you walk through a turnstyle.) I think the wind may be blowing in the wrong direction, Tony, and we're in danger of being left in the dust.